I Silently Begged

I remember every part of the journey to the hospital in almost hyper-reality. Everything was acutely sharp and clear. Tearing through the morning traffic in the Ambulance on that fateful day and then that same road each morning at 7hoo and home again at 23h00 over the next ten days. And every day, along that road, I silently begged for this not to be happening.

And each day when I massaged his hands and feet, when I say quietly and held his hand, when I spoke to him and shared my hopes and fears, when I lay next to him and held him close and took in the familiar smell of him, I silently begged.

I kept thinking if only I could wake up from this nightmare. How could this be reality? He is still young, we adore him so much, we have so many plans still to fulfill, he has so much to offer to so many people. I silently begged that he would stand up and walk out of that hospital and I would have changed places with him in a heartbeat.